We often are told that the secret to feeling happy in our lives is to connect to ourselves and do what lights us up. But what do you do when you feel like you don’t know what lights you up?
This is what I describe as being disconnected and I know exactly what that feels like.
What Does Disconnection Look Like?
Here is an excerpt from one of my journal entries from the time when I felt like this. The words clearly illustrate what it looks like to be disconnected from yourself.
"It's funny, somehow over the course of my life I have arrived at a place where I avoid spending time alone. I will do everything I can to fill my time with others -be it getting together physically, texting, facebooking, or calling.
This journey is scary. I feel like there is so much to figure out. I feel like I can't even hear myself. I don't even know what I like, what lights my fire, or what makes me smile.
I want a life where I smile and laugh daily. Where my days are filled...
I remember driving down my driveway away from my house with my phone cutting in and out as I said to my friend, “I can’t do this. I can’t continue in a relationship where I feel so alone. I think I need to leave.”
I breathed and I cried and I stopped my car. I hung up and asked myself, or whoever might be listening, “Why do you feel alone?”
The answer I heard was, “Because you have one foot out the door. You are in this with your baby toe. You are constantly saying, ‘This isn’t going to work.’ You are constantly telling Jaye, ‘I’m just not happy. I feel alone. I don’t know if this is going to work.’ If you want a thriving relationship and you want to feel connected and like you aren’t alone, you must be here. One hundred percent. You must decide that you are in this, for now at the very least.”
So, with this guidance, I turned my car around and then walked back into our home. I sat with...
This week we are talking about anxiety. Anxiety can take on a life of its own. We as humans are hard wired to have a “fight or flight” response to threats. This originated to keep us safe in the days that we needed to be protected from sabre tooth tigers. In modern day though, this human response, often creeps in when there is not “real” threat, but only the possibility of crisis (this is anxiety).
Anxiety becomes an issue when we are unable to tone down that automatic response. When anxiety takes on a life of its own, everything becomes a potential crisis. And around every corner there’s a possible disaster. In these cases, anxiety can become overwhelming and interfere with day to day life.
3 Ways to Deal with Anxiety
#1: 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1
When you feel your anxiety creeping in and taking over try this technique:
Describe 5 things you can see right now
Describe 4 things you can feel with your sense of touch right now
"The past is finished. Learn from it and let go." It sounds so simple. Yet the truth is that letting go of your past is difficult and complicated. To let go of your past you must step outside of your comfort zone, which can cause pain and stress.
The good news? It's worth it! Letting go of the "baggage" that holds you back in your life is the key to happiness and healing. It allows you to make room for wonderful things to enter your life and for you to find peace in your present life.
Letting go of your past is a process and it doesn't happen overnight. I invite you to try this process and offer yourself compassion and support as you begin to move on from your past.
The First Steps To Letting Go Of Your Past:
Step 1: Acceptance
It's essential that you face the reality of your past head on. Often we become experts at ignoring our past and trying to move on from it before we have done this step. You'll know that this is the case if you struggle with finding peace in your present. The...
Have you ever heard these words "you’re so sensitive!"?
I can’t count the number of times I was told that in my life. For years (until honestly, I hit my early 30’s) I believed that my sensitivity and emotions were my BIGGEST WEAKNESSES.
Then I DISCOVERED that I’m an EMPATH and it all made perfect sense:
My sensitivity and emotional awareness are actually my GREATEST STRENGTHS (and your's too!).
I REALIZED not everyone has these abilities.
AND I LEARNED that I was often taking on the energy and emotions of others, which was DEPLETING ME (raise your virtual hand if this resonates!)
4 STRATEGIES I USE TO SHINE MY LIGHT & SHARE MY GIFTS WITHOUT GETTING DEPLETED:
1) REALIZE that you take on other’s emotions and energy
2) SHIELD/ PROTECT: Image yourself surrounded by a pink light or a waterfall (it’s a permeable barrier, good energy can move through it, but negative energy cannot penetrate it)
3) RELEASE NEGATIVE ENERGY & EMOTIONS: by...
Sex is one of the biggest areas where couples struggle in their relationship. Many people are stumbling when trying to talk about sex and, therefore, are left suffering in silence.
There is a spectrum of comfort zones when it comes to sex; however, generally there is much silence and inhibition around the topic of sex in our culture. We often feel embarrassed and get offended when we talk about sex. This directly transfers into our intimate relationships.
Creating a thriving relationship requires that we build the foundation of our sexual connection.
Sexual connection requires anticipation and excitement. This is why the sex is often amazing in the beginning of a relationship. The anticipation of the first kiss, next date, first time getting intimate is built into the dating process. When we are in a long-term committed relationship, this anticipation and excitement are no longer built-in features.
We must learn how to generate these feelings of anticipation and excitement to ignite...
Self love is a huge part of bringing more happiness into your present life. What is happening internally within you is what is going to be happening in your outside world.
Once you can learn to love yourself more the shifts will be substantial. It all begins with self love. If you don't love yourself it's impossible to be happy.
How Do You Increase Self Love?
In order to start this process of increasing the love you have for yourself, you must do a few things.
1) Stop The Self Criticism
Often we are our own BIGGEST critics. We spend a great deal of time focusing on
what we have done wrong, what is wrong with us, what we wish we were, what we
are lacking. We spend hours and hours putting ourselves down.
There is no room for criticism of yourself or others when building self love.
A) Become aware of your tendencies to:
At the centre of a thriving intimate relationship with our beloved is a deep sense of connection. The need to know the answer to the questions “Are you there for me? Are we okay? Can I relax and know that we as a couple are okay?” are greatly ingrained.
It has been found that having a strong connection is the number one determiner of a happy and stable relationship. If our relationship lacks connection, all attempts to improve the relationships will fail. Connection underpins of the foundation of a relationship. Connection is the key.
Connection with our beloved takes time, commitment and work and can dwindle in the blink of an eye. Like most things, continuing is easier than stopping and starting again.
Connection is like a muscle; the more you work it, the stronger it becomes. The more consistent and committed we are to exercising our connection, the faster we’ll see results. Just like a muscle, if we stop working it regularly and consistently it will begin...
Do you feel like you are always giving and never receiving? My question for you then is this - are you being open to receiving?
Sometimes we’ll start to feel like people don’t care about us or don’t appreciate us or that they’re not giving to us. What I’ve discovered is it’s not that the people in our lives, like our loved ones, don’t give to us. It’s that we’re not open to receiving from them.
This can be caused by a few things:
We may struggle to receive because as givers we are conditioned to give and give and give, yet it can feel like we don’t know how to receive.
This can be as simple as if somebody says to you, “Oh my gosh. You look so beautiful today. I love that dress”. Right away, you get all uncomfortable and say, “Oh, this old thing?” or “I got this off the sales rack.” You are unable to receive the compliment.
I invite you to allow that to land with you....
Miscommunication is rampant in relationships and causes a great deal of destruction. It’s the times when we say one thing and another thing is understood, and the times when we say nothing and quiet damage occurs.
What we say and what someone hears and understands are two different things. It’s often like the children’s game telephone: the first person in the line whispers something, and by the time it reaches the last person, the message has become something else entirely.
Humans have many different ways to communicate, and each person has a unique way of doing this. Sometimes it can feel like we are two people speaking two different languages, yelling at each other but not understanding what the other is saying.
We can get caught in the trap of believing that we are speaking perfectly clearly and that the other person can understand our way of communicating. This assumption brings us into the dangerous territory of believing that the person we’re speaking...